A woman will start a fight for reasons that make no sense to you. She is sensitive to anything she perceives, or misperceives, as negative toward her. At times, she fights because she is either consciously or unconsciously testing you. This test is not about the words exchanged in the heat of conflict. It is about what remains after the storm she created for her own purpose. If you still love her after the pain she inflicted, she takes that as proof your love is real. She will always test your love, but rarely show you hers. Just the fact that she is testing you means she has no love for you.
Many fights are not even about the moment. They are delayed reactions. Something that happened hours or days ago resurfaces and hijacks the present. What looks like a battle over nothing is her unresolved emotion breaking through.
You cannot win a fight with someone who cannot see herself as wrong. In her mind, she is right and you are wrong, no matter the facts, no matter the evidence. The fight is never about truth. It is about emotion.
You cannot outfight this. You cannot win by force. You win by not fighting at all. You win by disarming her.
Most fights begin with her yelling and screaming, leaving you stunned, unsure where this rage even came from. While she is unleashing her fury, stay still and stare at her with the calm of a man who cannot be moved. Say nothing. Wait until she eventually stops, nobody can keep this up forever. When she does, wait ten seconds, then ask calmly: “Why are you being so disrespectful?” Let the question hang in the air. Then escalate: “Why are you treating me like I am worthless in your eyes?” Deliver it slow and calm. Make her hear it. Make her think about it.
Like clockwork, she will almost always tell you that you made her mad. Let her speak, even if she talks over you. Do not rush. When she finally runs out of steam, tell her she chose to be mad, she chose to be disrespectful. Then say: “If I have the power to make you mad, then I should have the power to make you calm, rational, and feminine.”
You must remember: she chose this attitude. She can hold her temper in front of her family, her friends, and at work. She chooses to be rational there. If she can control herself where it matters to her, she can control herself where it matters to you. Make her blatant disrespect towards you the center of the argument. Tell her plainly: “Your behavior is childish. It is beneath someone who claims to have respect.” Remind yourself, and her, that this was a choice she made.
Never let disrespect pass unchallenged, but never meet it with anger. Your calm is your power. Your stillness is your weapon. You are the standard. Hold the frame. Hold your ground. Force her to face her own behavior. This is how you win without fighting. This is how you disarm her.
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