My Life as a Phone Psychic #7

Back in 2004, I got a call from a woman. After giving her my usual shtick, she asked me, “When is my Johnny coming back to me?”

To stretch the call at $6.99 a minute, I asked for Johnny’s date of birth and the last time she was intimate with him, so my spirit guide could “contact” his spirit.

She said, “June 23, 1972.”

Thinking that was his birth date, I asked again when she was last intimate with him. She said, “1972.”

I had to stop her and get this straight. She told me she met Johnny after a concert he played in 1972. She slept with him the same night. He tried to leave. She refused to let him go.

She chased him to every local concert. He didn’t care. She moved into the same gated community. She followed him to gigs. Johnny had to give security her photo before every show so they could keep her away.

Years passed. He got married. She didn’t take the hint. She stalked him to Upstate New York, then to New Jersey. She married another man just to make Johnny jealous. When Johnny had kids, she got pregnant to get his attention.

Multiple protection orders later, she was still on his trail.

By 2004, she was divorced. She spent weekends in her ex husband’s parents’ basement and weekdays at his place. Her eleven year old daughter preferred living with her father. She never kept a job for long. Johnny still had to renew protection orders one after another.

Johnny was still in a band, touring Europe and the United States. Still married, three kids, fourteen years with the same wife.

And she was still waiting for her “Johnny” to come back.

Do you still think a side piece is worth it?